Teh Ohnoes, a Barbie Post010101@!

Forgive me a Barbie post. Every now and again it happens. I wear a wee bit of pink despite meself. I get the desire to wear hair ties or hold a girly fan. I gush in the stead of ranting.

So please do pardon the treacle.

One of the best bits of advice I ever received was from Sylvia Barnard, my Latin professor. After confiding in her, she told me that I needed a change of scene. I ended up in Trinity College in Dublin thanks to her. More likely than no, without those words, I'd have left University and become an auto mechanic, never to touch my comely wife, Library Science.

I shall state the obvious, at the risk of rotten tomatoes. Arlecchino; what do I care?

We do our best work with a light heart.

So how do we lose dead, depressive weight?

==Take a holiday.==

If your last has been more than a year out, you're overdue. Go slate one now, even if you spend the time moping about yer house.

Once in a very, very long while, take an extravagant holiday. Spare no expense. Pretend that you have the cash if needs be. Busk if you must. Sleep on your cloak on a rock, but for feck's sake, sleep under the sky you've always dreamt of visiting.

I just got back from New Zealand, with a good stopover in Hawai'i. On the way, I saw the Getty Villa in California to get my fill of Classics pr0n. I hit the Santa Monica Pier. Had a LOT of Mexican. Headed to Hawai'll. Filled up on sun,surf, and storytelling. (Yes you fuddy duddy Librarian. Where ever you are, hula is *certainly* storytelling.) Swam with dolphins, summat I have dreamt about a good long time. Ate at Nobu. (It sucked for the most part, save yer dosh.) I'm pretty sure it's illegal to mope on O'ahu. (See Daniel Tosh's ever frown on a jetski.)

I could go on for pages about New Zealand, a place I expected to half like. Like a good swift kick to the nuts to take yer mind off a broken arm, the islands at world's end made me forget ye, Éire. (To be fair, this mind has never obsessed so long over a single woman, so you were due for a change, love.)

Stop reading this. Go take a holiday.

==Live somewhere with a breathtaking view.==

I couldn't help but notice that two of the most brilliant women around just so happen to have epic views from their house. Apparently it wasn't enough for me to be an interloper in paradise, I had to have Nature rub her breasts in me face. I fairly drooled the entire time I was on kiwi soil, but the ocean view at Waitarere and the mountain tumble at Manakau took the cake. It was no small surprise that these Ladies would innovate so damn much with the world at the foot of their doorstep, enticing them to think larger than those of us with a good view of the neighbour's cat or brick wall.

Get to a park if you have to, but don't pen your mind in unconsciously by living somewhere with no damn view. Life is too short.

==Drink too damn much now and again.==

People alternatively think that I'm dry or a lush, depending on where they meet me. I have a Q'uranic approach to drinking and driving, so if I meet you where I was forced to drive, you'll think I'm dry. I also have strict rules about not trying to drink me troubles down. (Depressant on top of depression = not good.) I try not to drink alone.

That said, once in a while I still get locked out of me tree. This was easily done in New Zealand. When you're amongst friends, or at very least amongst like minded sexy people, you might need a swig o summat to get past Linda Smith syndrome. (Nothing to do with her, and everything to do with me. This is my terminology for not being able to find a godsdamn thing to say in front of someone of influence, intellect, or beauty. [Or quite probably all three. One of the above is generally enough to cause me to stutter. All three causes panic that results in an infinite loop between my mind and my mouth {Crap. Say summat smart. Go on. Crap. She's looking at you. Damn it monkey, move those lips. Feck. Damn it, anything. Cooperate!!!})]. So indulge.

==If it's winter, start a fire or install natural light light bulbs.==

I had a Brother that had wintertime depression that resulted from too little light during the short days. The difference he showed when this was diagnosed and treated properly was astounding. What a change for a cost as small as a lightbulb.

Who doesn't enjoy a crackling little fire. Panera tend to have em if you've no fireplace but crave the smell of burnt wood as hardcore as I do. Snuggle in, lose track of time, day dream.

==Ditch your mobile devices and watch.==

If you're like me and Alan Lightman, you don't have these buggers in the first place. Some folks brag about having X number of electronic jiggamawhatsers. I always find meself thinking "Really? That many leashes? Your neck must be chafed! How *do* you get anything done?"

I dare ye. Live life without "multitasking" for a few days and see what happens. Run late instead of early for a wee bit.

==Surround yourself with forgiving friends.==

I have it easy. Alpha Phi Omega has given me hordes of close friends for life. I'm a terrible Brother. I'm often out of contact for literally years. When I grow a pair and phone a Brother, the reaction of "Uh, who?" usually isn't the treatment I get. What I do get is "Ohmagosh! I haven't heard from you in ages! Thank goodness you got me!"

When I was in the Fraternity, it was always useful knowing a few folks that weren't. It let me talk Chapter politics with the neutral. Alternatively, it let me escape them. How many non Library friends do you have?

So go. Lighten your heart. Dance while no one is looking. Laugh at nothing particularly funny.